They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
