i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
