first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were trust falling into bushes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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