So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
