they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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