Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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