Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
look no pants
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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