just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
