It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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