Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
