the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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