Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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