What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
