If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
