My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
