your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
