my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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