Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
