yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
