When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
