I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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