I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
