woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
