I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
God, I missed his penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
