woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
