i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
