You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
