I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
