Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
