Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
