i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
