Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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