had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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