I puked a lego.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
