This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
