There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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