Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MIDGETS
????
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
