Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
