Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
