apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
