So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
