Just fell off a train. Bad.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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