Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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