I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
