yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
