Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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