hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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