So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
