Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
