i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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