i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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