im six kinds of drunk right now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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