From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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