omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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