I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
