Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
two words...techno handjob
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
